When I feel so alone, because almost everyone I once considered a “friend” has completely drifted apart from me. The only exceptions to this are Meghann, and my internet friends. But unfortunately, none are able to be beside me 24/7 or even at school. I miss talking to Meghann about everything, I miss making plans with her, and I even miss us doing nothing. So Meg, if you somehow manage to see this, I really do miss you. <3

Sighh. But man, last Thursday.. that was a bad day. It was a day where my lonliness got the best of me and I ran as far as I could. Away from the cafeteria, the buildings, the courtyard. Just someplace when I could breathe and be away from noise and the bustle of people. You never really realize how alone you are until everyone else is in a conversation at your table except you. And, when all of them are making plans not involving you. Sometimes, it almost makes me want to crawl back to the others. But I won’t sink that deep.

Oh yeah sure, I could smile when we bump into each other and pretend that whenever I see my old possey that I know for sure they’ve got my back. But the thing is.. I don’t. Ever since everything happened last year, my whole social circle got fucked up. I’m not the type of person to make new friends instantly either, I make friends for life, or at least try to. And hell, I try to support them through all their shit, but here I am facing mine alone, and guess what? They aren’t here. Thanks guys.

Do I hate her? On some days I do. Or rather, I’m envious of what she has. That security, all those people she takes for granted, while I’m sitting here, grateful if anyone even mentions my name. She’s finishing her senior year making plans with people I thought I knew. She’s having sleepovers, she’s going to anime cons, and all the other shit I haven’t done in what feels like forever.

So, what? Do I regret standing up for Meghann and where it got me to? Hell to the fucking no! And I never will.

What I regret is beliving in people I thought would always be there for me, but then let some incident pry us apart. What I regret is seeing them pass me in the hallways with pity in their eyes and empty promises they make me. But most of all, I regret ever feeling so alone. But as I said, I have those days. My days at Lee High School are almost done. And with me going in a different direction other than college, hopefully I won’t have to run into their faces in the near future. But we’ll see.

Sorry for the rant tumblr.

dancelovekimchi:

Requested by ladyhyoyeon

너와 나를 향한 꿈들이
빛이 되어 달아나
그곳에 어딘가로 떠오를꺼야
The dreams that come towards you and me
Become lights and take flight
In that place they’ll float off to somewhere

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